I grant you that it’s a pretty cheap rhetorical device to convert commonly-known phrases, but in this case it is justified. 2011 is a polygamous new year in my native Germany and many other countries. Not because the laws in Germany and other officially monogamous countries are to be changed. But simply because this year, as thousands of years before, the official monogamy will be a fake, since it will more or less openly, but above all constantly and repeatedly, be broken.
This is proven easily by the following facts. Over 90% of people in my native Germany indicate in surveys to be unfaithful at some point in their lives, be it during a previous relationship or during the current relationship. You may say, what do i care about these ruthless sex-driven people in Germany, but try and search for the numbers for your country, they might be similar. Now you can of course still console yourself by saying, “well, that does not concern me, my partner is faithful.” But over 50% of people in Germany state in surveys to be unfaithful during their current relationship or even to do it again and again. Once more: check for your own country. So there is a greater than 50% chance – or whatever the number in your country may be – that you or your partner or even both of you are unfaithful. And this of course is kept hidden from the partner, or to put it more clearly: a lot of people lie about their unfaithfulness to their partner, the one person with whom they actually wanted to build a life based on mutual trust. Sad, is it not? Therefore, in the title of this article after “Happy” i put (?), because the happiness is unfortunately marred for many of us, and this sad and severe problem can usually not be talked about between the partners.
I do not write about this, dear reader, to blame you or anybody else. This i have neither a right to nor do i have an interest in it. But what this short description amounts to is, that at it´s core – the love and family relationships – our society in Germany, as each officially monogamous society, has a a severe problem that causes a lot of unnecessary suffering, just because we have declared monogamy as the only correct way of life. Monogamy is stipulated by law and by a variety of social mechanisms, ways of thinking, not least through a vast quantity of cultural products (poems, novels, pictures, movies, songs), in which it is always the main topic.
Have you ever noticed, however, that in most of these cultural products, the real theme is betrayal, and that this starts even long before the so-called sexual revolution at the end of the 1960s? Actually, it begins with the first crucial book for the culture of the Western states, the Bible. There people having sex with someone else´s partner is one of the main and recurring themes, and probably therefore the prohibition of having sex with someone else´s wife is one of the ten commandments. But this has apparently not helped much, and so this commandment is probably the most often broken one of all, well ahead of “Thou shalt not kill”, which is comforting to me in a way, as it signifies that most of us still rather have sex.
I think it is time to deal with the issues of relationships, love and family in new ways, instead of continuing to cling to rules most of which date back to ancient times and no longer correspond to our circumstances of life. For a start, promiscuity, which is obviously so common with us, should not be morally condemned and prohibited by law, but accepted as a fact, which is not right away labelled with a moral judgment. Then you have a chance to honestly deal with it. Openness and honesty always are far more helpful in dealing with difficult subjects than silence or condemnation.
Under these conditions it would be possible then to address the emotional challenges of promiscuity, at least when it is lived openly and honestly. It is clear that there will still be betrayal, but it would decline significantly. It would the also be possible then to address the more practical problems of promiscuity openly and in a reasonable manner. These include arrangements to ensure that the right people, i.e. the physical parents, pay the costs for the children and that inheritances are not secretly, and unknowingly, aquired by a changeling. These matters can be solved better today than by ineffective bans. Genetic testing of fatherhood provides a fast, safe and secure solution and making it mandatory should be in the interest of the State, otherwise – as far as i not being a lawyer understand it – the state unwantingly becomes an accomplice to under-shifting mothers aiding them in adultery, forgery of personal status and legacy hunting (i hope that i translated the legal terms correctly).
We humans are very good at creating problems to ourselves. The prohibition of polygamy and it´s social ostracism and all the ensuing problems we should leave behind. Then the relations of many people may become a lot more honest, loving and truly happy. In this sense I wish you an honest, loving, happy new year.
Notice: This article is translated from an original article on one of my german websites Viktor-Leberecht.de or Polygamie-ist-gut-fuer-sie.de (engl:Polygamy is good for you). How i do my translations. Last updated: July 20, 2012 at 17:55 pm © Viktor Leberecht All rights reserved. Please feel free to share my content on Social-Sharing-Services. What do you think? Leave a comment here. For your convenience you may either use the integrated comment system of wordpress in the first comment field, or if you prefer you may post with your Google+ account in the second comment field. You may also send me a question through the contact form or the FAQ.